He lied awake in his bed; with the company of a woman he did not truly love. They weren’t making love; rather she was sleeping on his arm coz she was attracted towards him. He on the other hand was thinking about someone he truly loved and how far he had got away from her. The woman next to him was someone he had got attracted to few months back and they were together for almost 2 months now.
Even though he liked this girl a lot, he couldn’t go further than just kissing her. He was 24 years old by age but on the inside, he was still 15 years old, the person who fell in love with a girl whom he can’t forget till date. Due to his obsession with the past, he had been single for a long while. Even if he got in any relation with someone, summing up to 5 or 6, he would blow it off just because he was miserable inside.
The girl he loved was someone who seems normal in the eyes of any human being, but with his love struck eyes, he saw her like no one else could ever see her. He loved her for her qualities, her smile, her eyes and even her mistakes. The only problem was that she did not love him at all. To her, he was just another ‘friend’ in her life who later turns into just another ‘guy’ she once knew. He tried to work things out with her, tried to make her feel for him just the way he did for her but she simply couldn’t do that. May be she once did love him and he screwed it somehow. She did forgive him but she just couldn’t feel that way for him again. He kept trying all he could until he finally learnt that she was meant to go and he could not stop her, but that never stopped him from loving her.
The woman who was sleeping on his arm was just perfect; average height, fair complexion, sweet voice, pretty face and loving nature. She was his junior in college. They were not living together but she would come to his house and cuddle with him and sleep in his arms. He liked that too but somehow he felt guilty. He felt guilty because of his obsession with the past. She knew about it and was okay with it. She would try her best of whatever she could do, but for how long?
She really got attached to him within two months. It wasn’t like that since the starting. She had first seen him fighting with some guy over something. She didn’t have any clue why they were fighting but the fighting scene made a bad impression of him on her. It was a week later when they bumped into each other and they both fell down. He said sorry but she stood up and went away ignoring what he said. She was talking to her friend about how bad he was as a person as he would purposely bump into girls and fight with guys. It was then that her friend told her that he was fighting with the other guy over bullying a junior. She thought that she had the wrong idea about him and felt terrible.
It was that bump when he first got to know her. He instantly felt some liking towards her but it just seemed like a fling. 2-3 weeks later they crossed paths and he tried starting the conversation by apologizing again for their bump the other day. Even she said that it was her fault she wasn’t looking and from that point they became friends and feelings grew deeper. Few months later they were in a relationship and at this point she was sleeping in his arms.
Till this point, they both had just kissed a lot of times and it was going good till then. He was hoping that they didn’t take the physical relation any further. It wasn’t that something was wrong with him, he just wasn’t ready to commit and he didn’t want to hurt the girl he had. She was falling for him and he knew about it. He was weak and wished that he didn’t have to face with that situation any soon. He liked her but she was just someone who didn’t make him feel miserable. He knew it but he preferred not thinking of it like that. He was filled with this guilt and it was slowly killing him on the inside.
The funny thing was that he could not love her because she loved him, just like the love of his life, she could not love him because he loved her way too much. Humans ignore the love they get, instead they run for the love they can’t have.
He cared about the girl sleeping in his arms. He would not leave her side when she would fall asleep. He stayed because he cared but it was love that he lacked for her despite the fact that she deserved it.